


The Death of Guilt

by Higgies230



Series: Lives to Take [2]
Category: Daredevil (TV)
Genre: F/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-10-13
Updated: 2016-10-29
Packaged: 2018-08-20 12:04:11
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 2
Words: 1,885
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8248097
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Higgies230/pseuds/Higgies230
Summary: Matt takes the time to think over how he feels about killing his father's killer. Elektra tells him why she hooked up with him in the first place.





	1. God's Will

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Matt decides wheter he is doing the will of God or the Devil.

* * *

   Matt remembered standing in the bathroom washing the blood from his hands. There was blood on his shirt to but that didn't bother him, he didn't expect to feel this way. When he was a boy in St Agnes he would often lie awake and think about killing the scumbag that killed his dad. The man who had only wanted to make his son proud. Many, many hours were spent thinking but in the end he concluded that he could not kill Roscoe Sweeney. Already he could feel the Devil in him, wriggling and writhing with in his very soul. If he killed a man he would not only release the devil into the world but be doomed to an eternity in hell. That terrified a young Matt. Not now.

  
   Matt stood before the bathroom mirror and watched the red flames and his own dark silhouette. Now he had released the Devil but oh did it feel good! It was such a different feeling to how he had imagined, there was no gaping hole threatening to swallow him up. In a way he had dived gleefully into that space but that wasn't bad. If he felt so good maybe God had wanted him to take action? He certainly knew that having let the Devil come to the surface had released so much pressure that he didn't even realise had been building. Maybe God hadn't wanted it, maybe it was the Devil. Some part of Matt quivered at the thought, a part that would have made up the majority of his being before the knife sliced through that oh so soft flesh. Now the biggest bit was that that said to follow Satan. He was already destined for hell, no amount of confessions could change that, and if he pleased the Devil within him then he would live the rest of his life without that internal struggle and he would be in Satan's favor when his time came. A win win. Didn't the world need a balance of good and evil anyway? Wasn't that the reason why God allowed Lucifer to live? Matt wouldn't be evil, he wouldn't be good. He would be the balance. Perhaps that was God's will.

  
   The corners of Matt's mouth twisted up and he smiled to himself quietly to the drip of blood and water as it ran down his fingers to the ceramic of the sink.

***

   It was only later that evening that Matt and Elektra were curled up on a sofa, each with a bowl of noodles in hand. The sofa was very comfortable, it was part of the living area in the apartment that Elektra was renting- it wasn't like they could go and cuddle in Matt's dorm, Foggy hated Elektra. Matt wasn't too concerned about his surroundings though and more about the woman beside him. 

   It was only seven hours after he had drawn the knife across that bastard Sweeney's throat but even so the blood lust and adrenaline had long since disappeared. It had left Matt feeling emotionally exhausted and again the doubts had surfaced. He had pressed them to the back of his mind, he tried to think of them as stupid. It wasn't helping now that tension and anxiety was pouring off of the woman he loved. Her heart rate was elevated and her breathing was obviously being carefully controlled. The blind man didn't mention any of this however, partly through the habit of hiding those sort of senses and partly because that incredibly stupid part of him insisted that is he ignored the problem then it would go away. Of course it didn't, it was only another few minutes before Elektra spoke.

   "Before I say anything else Matthew, I want you to know that I love you and that I have never faked that," she said, not making eye contact and sounding _nervous_. Elektra Natchios was never nervous so this was bad.

   "What is it?" Matt couldn't keep the apprehension out of his voice as he moved away slightly to turn his sightless eyes on her.

   "I don't know if you ever wondered why I picked you up at that party," she said and Matt knew that she wasn't looking at him.

   "I did wonder but you haven't answered my question. What is this about?"

   "I only ever started to date you because Stick wanted me to get you to kill," she blurted.

   "Stick?" Matt asked dumbfounded. Elektra knew Stick, she only came to him because of _Stick_. Matt felt ill. He felt betrayed, hurt and angry. Elektra had tricked him, he had taken a life for _her_ but all it was was a life for Stick. That dickhead Stick.

   "Matt?" Elektra asked when he stayed silent. She sounded scared and vulnerable and Matt didn't like it. Scared and vulnerable was not Elektra. Was she trying to trick him into feeling sorry for her? Was the Elektra that he knew even the real person?

   Matt got up from the sofa, pushing himself up angrily. He snatched up his cane from where it was folded up on the coffee table and exchanged it for his bowl. The sound of the ceramic smacking down on wood resounded in his head but he didn't stop as he strode over to the door, pulled on his shoes and grabbed his coat.

   Elektra's hand grasped at his arm then, he could hear her heart racing. "Matt please."

   He pulled his arm from his grasp and slammed the door on his way out.


	2. For Good

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Matt realizes that his first taste of blood has tainted him. He wants more.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This gets quite graphic at the end, in terms if blood so if that's not your thing then I suggest you don't read this chapter.

  Matt didn't want Foggy to know about that night a year ago. He stored it away with the other things that he never wanted to tell his best friend, like how he could hear his heart race every time Matt was near. When he had killed Roscoe Sweeney he had been overwhelmed by that glorious feeling, that blood lust. But once he had realised that he had not been doing God's will but Stick's instead... well he wasn't so keen on the idea of killing. 

  Matt had built up a slow hatred of his blind mentor in the years following his abandonment. The man he had once worshiped, the man he had tried so hard to please... he had never seen Matt as anything more than a weapon. Stick had looked upon him, in the figurative sense, with disdain the first time that they had met and also the last time. Matt had been abandoned by the man that he had clung onto as his last hope, Stick had left him to rot in the orphanage. And so if it was Stick's will that he had done then it was also the Devil's. Stick's purpose in Matt's life had been to awaken the darkness in him, awaken the Devil that resided deep in Matt's being, and release it into the world.

  Matt did not want Foggy to know that he had done the Devil's work, Foggy was the only person he had in the world and he couldn't lose him. It didn't matter though, Matt wasn't going to kill anyone again so his friend had no need to find out about his dark secret.

***

  Matt and Foggy had been interns at Landman and Zac for a while and Matt had his own apartment away from his friend. It was an attic conversion, dark and dull but perfect for Matt. Foggy complained about the lighting but of cause Matt didn't notice it, he also complained about the cold but the cold didn't bother Matt. The place wasn't anywhere where lots of people came, it was quiet and didn't overwhelm his senses.

   It was on his way to his apartment however that he heard it. Night after night when the little girl's mother was asleep the father would go to her room, Matt heard the girls soft, hopeless tears and the man's grunts and groans. Matt did what any normal person would do; he made an anonymous child line. The mother wouldn't believe that her husband could do such a thing and so the nightly visits continued. 

  Matt never consciously made the decision to follow the man or to learn his routine. Even as he crouched on top of a crater with a stripe of cloth tied around his eyes he didn't quite know what he was going to do. He could acutely feel the cold metal on the knife in his boot, the edge scraping across his skin under his sock. He didn't quite know what he was going to do with it- all he knew was that something deep within him nagged at him to have it, just in case.

  The man was strolling along bellow, the torch he carried throwing yellow beams into the night, weakly trying to cut into the oily darkness. Just hearing those breaths, that heartbeat that sped up erratically as he joined his daughter in her bed... It was filthy, the breaths that gasped out as he violated the girl, the whistling that became moans at night... Matt needed it to stop. Make sure that heart never sped up at the expense of the girl, so that she wouldn't have to hear the breaths, the moans.

  Matt launched himself at the man as he passed unaware beneath the crater. The two tumbled to the ground and as they came to a stop Matt was on top. The heart was racing now and Matt felt a savage pleasure, the breathing was fast, the whistling had stopped to be replaced by shouts. The blind man clenched his fist, raised it and smashed it down into the man's face. Again and again and again until the blood ran down his knuckles and the man was groaning in pain.

  Matt leaned down and grasped the man's throat," you will never hurt your daughter again," he hissed before reaching down to his boot with his free hand.

  "What the hell man!" the guy rasped around Matt's hand, weakly pushing at his chest. Matt cocked his head and raised the knife so that the man could see it. It glinted dully in the night air, not that the man holding it could see that. The man pressed against the dirt did though and he released a panicked breath.

  "What are you going to-" he started but the sentence was finished with the man chocking on his own blood. Matt had sunk the blade deep into the man's chest, right up to the hilt. Blood spilled rapidly from the wound, soaking the man's shirt and Matt's sleeves. He could feel the warm liquid soaking into the material further and further up his arm, the thick ooze between his fingers. He could taste the copper clogging the air and hear the failing heart. When the heart had given out completely Matt removed his hand from the man's throat.

  The night was suddenly very quiet, the only heart was Matt's own, the only breaths were issued from his lips. He was shaking but it wasn't from the cold, although he could sense that in the background, no Matt was shaking because of the adrenaline. The blood dripping from his hands to hit the stony earth on either side of his victim and the smell of it in the air... it was ecstasy. And this time, the guilt was completely absent.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I am sorry this took longer than I hoped to get out here but I hope you enjoyed it?

**Author's Note:**

> Thank you for all your support in part one! It was just an experiment piece but it seemed to hit the right buttons!


End file.
